It’s been a long day. Why are Mondays so hard? I have come to savor those precious moments on the weekends when Tony is around, but I grow sad as it comes to a close. I know it will be a while before we really see him again. Even longer, it feels, before he will join in on the activities that make us a family. I wonder how military families do it. I mean, I know he’s not putting his life on the line and so I’m not nearly as afraid for his safety. But I know he’s working hard to provide for us and he gets tired. Those are long hours he spends driving. Sometimes, especially at night, I worry about him falling asleep. And we miss him . . . ALOT. I dread the questions: “When is Daddy coming home?” Or “Where is Daddy?” Rarely do I have an answer.

I catch myself parenting out of guilt a lot. Guilt and fear. Strong, frustrating emotions that usually cause a rise in the decibel level of my voice. What should take priority first thing in the morning (after my devotions)? The laundry that needs done so Austin can go to his practice in less-stinky clothes? The baby that needs fed and changed and paid some attention? Or the little boy clamoring for me to sit and build with him? I failed, I think. Mondays are hard. We didn’t even get to school today. They faught and grumbled so much that I wanted to send them to their rooms. But I felt guilty that I didn’t do enough with them and was in a grumpy mood. So I let them stay up late and watch a movie with me. I worry that my parenting skills are seriously lacking. How much damage have I done already?

I’m so torn . . . Should I try and put my kids in a public school or work for a private one so we can afford tution? I have really felt like the Lord is asking me to stick with homeschooling. So why do I feel so weary? Like I’m failing. Even in my ministry. An area that seemed to be blossoming only months ago. I’m not sure if I am doing the right thing now. I keep feeling like I need to shrink back. But the words from Hebrews keep coming back to my memory.

Hebrews 10:39 ESV
[39] But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.

Lord, can I be one of the ones who don’t shrink back? Will you equip me with the strength to carry on? Your word has promised it, so why do I doubt it? I do believe! But help my unbelief!

Scrolling through Facebook tonight, waiting for the clock to strike “bedtime” and hoping to glean encouragement from some random post, I see that I’m not the only one feeling kind of lost. Mondays must be hard for a lot of us. Texting my friend, I hear her echoing the words I’m already feeling. Failure. That’s a lie. I know that God made me more than a conqueror and I have all that I need pertaining to a godly life. Those words, sometimes they sound like a faint echo of something I once knew. Why is that? Shouldn’t I have already attained at this level? When will it say “Level complete. Proceed on your journey?” Why do I keep coming back to the same valley? Lord, have I lost the joy of your salvation? Return it to me!

I hear these words:
Galatians 6:9 ESV
[9] And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

So dear sisters (and brothers), tomorrow is a new day. Mondays are hard, but Tuesday is approaching! Life is full of the pits and valleys that draw us down, but one day, one glorious day, there won’t be any valleys or pits or Mondays! No more Mondays in Heaven! Hall-E-Lu-Jah! Come now, Lord Jesus! One day! I’m looking forward to that day!

But for today, I’m praying for His strength and His guidance. Praying that I cling tight to His mighty hand. He’s with me. I know He is.

And tonight, as this Monday closes, I’m praying for you. All those who are struggling and fighting their own wars, I’m praying that the Lord would lift you up and tear the enemy’s walls down! Let our voices crying out to Him drown out the sound of defeat.

Luke 18:1 NLT
One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.